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A Painful State Is Only Temporary

“Self-worth is so vital to your happiness – if you don’t feel good about YOU, it’s hard to feel good about anything else!”

Mandy Hale www.livelifehappy.com

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded; it is a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well, can we be present with the darkness of others.
Compassion becomes real when we recognise our shared humanity”

Pema Chodron

In August one day I sat in awe amongst a myriad of sunshine yellow buttercups, reflecting on my gratitude in that moment and feeling on top of the world.

However, I knew that not everyone felt as good as me that day.

Earlier that day I was sat in the hairdressers and I spotted a lady in my mirror on the other side of the salon.  She sat there explaining to her stylist how she didn’t like her curly hair.  

She may have been a new client to the salon, asking her hairdresser if he could do this or that with her hair. 

She then stopped, looked at him and said “I just don’t feel great about myself at the moment” and she broke down in tears.

I watched this woman sit there with her head in her hands crying about how bad she felt. The stylist was a young man, Alex, in his early twenties.  He is a gorgeous young man, very sensitive.  He fetched a box of tissues and sat down next to her.   

She took a tissue, wiped her eyes, took a deep breath and carried on explaining how she would like her hair.

I personally thought this was remarkable as...

I am not sure there are many women who could carry on explaining what they wanted done with their hair, having broken down in front of a young man in this way.    

They carried on their conversation and I continued to read my book as I didn’t want to seem like I was being nosey.

I had total admiration for this woman and my heart went out to her and my inner voice said ‘I just want to give her a hug’.   

I wanted to catch her on her own and that was going to be tricky in a salon.

Alex carried on styling her hair and they were chatting away.

I delved in my handbag and I pulled out a postcard. I had three postcards each with a different message, and the one I picked, with my eyes closed said, ‘Loveable, Unique and simply the best – That’s you!’ and I wrote her a message on the back which said –

“Hi, my name is Vanessa Louise, and I am a woman just like you: a woman who has experienced the pain you’re feeling right now. A woman who, just like you, reached outside of myself for acceptance for what I was missing.  Until I realised that all I was looking for was already within me. Please know that how you are feeling right now, is only temporary! You are wonderful just as you are. I can see it from the other side of the salon. Begin to look for what you are grateful for and what you love and as if by magic you will begin to appreciate and love yourself too. Xx”

My heart was really pounding at this point, as all I wanted to do was jump up and give her this card and a hug.

I waited until she was on her own but had even prepared to say to my stylist, “If I am busy or having my hair washed when that lady leaves, please could you give her this card?” But there was no need because her stylist walked away and at that point I felt compelled to get up, walk across the salon and give her the card.

I looked into her eyes, smiled and said “Hi, I have noticed you from the other side of the salon and I just want to give you this. I have written a note on the back just for you”. I lovingly rubbed her arm, left her with the card and I sat back down.

I carried on reading my book and two minutes later the woman appeared by my side and said “Thank you” and broke down in tears.

I jumped up out of my chair and put my arm around her, gave her a hug and she quietly sobbed on my shoulder. I put my book down with my other hand and I put both my arms around her,

I hugged her until her sobs subsided.

When I felt she was settled and was calm, I pulled back, I had both of my hands on the tops of her arms, I looked at her weeping eyes and I said to her “YOU are wonderful, It’s a very painful place you are in right now, and I am living proof that on the other side of that pain, it feels GREAT, everything is absolutely fine!!”

She looked at me and with a warm smile said “Thank you – can I have your number?”

“Of course.  As and when you feel ready, I would love to hear from you and we can go for a coffee. Do you live locally?”

Well, that’s the other thing” she said while wiping her tears, “I’ve just moved here from London and I live up the road”

I exclaimed enthusiastically “Great, I am 10 minutes away; that’s not far at all”

She thanked me again. We exchanged names and an even bigger hug and off she went.

I sat down in my chair and I carried on reading with the HUGEST smile in my heart with the realisation that how I once felt and living through my own pain, was all for a reason.

As I sat back in my chair, it dawned on me that all six of my values were expressed and at play throughout this whole experience.

  1. LOVE coupled with gratitude – My intention in all I do is to live, think, speak and behave from my heart. What is the most loving thing I can do for them/myself in this moment? How can I give love to this situation? Love and gratitude are the highest and most healing emotions we can feel. Love and gratitude, literally saved mine and someone else’s life – I’ll save that for another time. ?

  2. Trust and Faith - To have faith in my inner calling, the voice within and trust that it knows what is best for me, because it does and it’ i the reason I am here.?

  3. Joy – Joy, for me, is that intense feeling of inner happiness. The feeling that feels like it could fuel you forever. Joy is experienced from deep inside and fans the flames of your burning desire. Fun is a crucial part of Joy too.?

  4. Connection – as human beings, we long for connection and belonging. For me connection begins with self, then I am able to be the connection between what I call the “invisible power” and another person.  We are are all connected by the Divine. ?

  5. Kindness – kindness for me is Love in action – it is Loves little sister and the power an act of kindness has, can transform the world. It speaks volumes about what our intention is and how we view ourselves, others and the world.?

  6. Service – to be of service – to serve – has always excited me, ever since I was a little girl. It gives me great pleasure to serve you, warms my heart to think that who I am can contribute to the world’s transformation in some way. I see ‘being of service’ offering my gift of ‘who I am’ to this world, as what I am here to do. Just be me. ?

I now choose to, intentionally, live my life by my value-set knowing that this is living as the authentic example and truest expression of myself and how I am able to make the biggest impact and be a game changer in a world that’s crying out for more LOVE and more of us living from our values.

Can you say you are consciously aware of living from your values?

Do you know what your values are?

How do you see this makes a difference whether you do or you do not?

Whether that beautiful lady makes contact with me or not, I do know one thing for sure…

If she experienced what I did, it will be something she will never forget and just maybe what she felt in that moment will be something that she will share, she could pass on – to make a difference in her own unique way!

Vanessa Louise Moore

Vanessa Louise Moore

Transformational Mentor and Speaker

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